Say it, don't spraaay it. I want the news, not the weeeather.

I was about a block out of my house when I noticed the skywriting. The skywriting that was above my head. In the sky. Get it? Got it? Good, because it was almost the funniest thing I've seen all week.

"JESUS LOVES U LOTS"

Thanks annoying church, I'll take that with me on my travels, as well as the comforting knowledge that the Lord's earthly representatives are wasteful enough to uselessly try to recruit through skywriting at noon on a Monday, yet are still too cheap to spring for a "y" and an "o." I wonder if the adman for that church thought that people, after seeing writing magically appear in the sky, would believe that it was a personal message from God and rush off to confess their sins. They might catch a few druggies who don't have jobs and just lie outside all day, seeing fucked up shit in everything and forgetting about the existence of skywriters, but I don't have much faith in those druggies getting up off their heathen asses and going to church.

The funniest thing I saw all week? Ok, since you asked... Remember that song "U + Me = Us (I know my calculuuus)" from 80 thousand years ago? Well an hour or so later, in the same spot that the last message had been written, was a fresh twist on an old standard, in hip, fresh, mispelled lingo like the kids use (and you know how much those kids love their math!):

"U + GOD = ETERNAL BLISS"

Except replace "ETERNAL BLISS" with, and I'm dead serious, a big-ass smiley face. You. Plus God. Equals. A smiley face. Fuck, in that case I'm safe-I have pot for the smiley face, and my pocket rocket will always love me, so I guess I don't need God, if it's not offering me eternal bliss. Anyways, I don't like people who cop out with emoticons, so I can't have a double standard when it comes to divine entities.

- "Kidding about the pocket rocket, it's actually very unreliable, although I have due in 2.5 hours a paper of which I have written absolutely nothing-Christ, I haven't even opened a file for it-and I know those two things are not related in any way, but I got 2 hours of sleep and fell asleep in a bookstore today while trying to write said paper, but obviously never started because I'm so freaking tired, so cut me some freaking" Granny "Slack"