Effervescing Elephant

Despite what you might think after reading about my final F, my struggles with those goddamn staples, the time I fell off a stationary motorcycle, and basically everything else about me on this thing, in reality I am actually very stupid. A few short stories surrounding my attempts to get a driver's license should crystallize this fact for anybody just joining us. First was the test just to get my permit. Twenty basic questions about road rules. I failed it. Got back in line, took it again, failed it again. (That was completely unnecessary embarrassment because apparently even if I had passed that second time, it wouldn't have counted. You can't take the test twice in one day. Motherfuckers.) All that driving and waiting in line wasted a hell of a lot of time. Like this blog, but with more pollution. After my THIRD failure a week later, a friend told me about the 72 questions in the back of the handbook from which all the test questions were taken. I studied just those questions and passed.

Then, because my state is a bitch, I needed to wait a full year before I could get my license. In the months before the year was up, I was entertaining dreams of greatness. Driving by myself was gonna rock! I was gonna get down with my 16-year old self! February 8th arrived, and I drove with my mother to the DMV half an hour away. We waited in line for 58 years and finally got to someone. I asked to take my driving test, and handed over my permit. The homosexual worker looked at it and said, "I'm sorry, new rules say you have to have your permit for a year."

What? I didn't get it-I mean, I did have it for a year. I passed on February 6 the year before, and now it was February 8.

Yeah, not so much. See, for some reason I had always thought that I had passed in February, and when the date got closer, I had never actually checked the date on my permit to be sure.

I had taken it on March 6. I was a month early, and once again I had wasted about 3 hours of both my and mother's life. Jesus Hitler Christ.

-Granny Lola