Oh my god, there's a bear in my oatmeal!

Overhead at the dentist yesterday:

Doctor: How did it get in your mouth? Unless there’s a leak somewhere…
Woman who I assume is dazzling and charming: Well you’ve poked me so many times that it’s entirely possible.

That same incredible woman: I’ve never had my mouth open this wide for this long.

Overhead at lunch the other day:

Artist Lady: I was trying to get him [her son] on JDate, but he didn't want to.
Mother: I tried to set my friend up with him, she’s been divorced two years, and she didn’t want to meet him, can you believe it?
Me: Who?
Mother: Rangy Hotlips.
[Rangy Hotlips. She's my mom's therapist, and for a few weeks, she was our family therapist. My mom tried to fix up our ex-family therapist. Naturally, I cracked up.]
Me: Maybe she should’ve seen a marriage counselor for that.

-G